I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
