you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I love how my cats smell like pot.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
