do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i think my cat just said my name.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
