I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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