I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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