i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
