why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
