trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
