He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She just used a chaser for red wine.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
