i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
