Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
