apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
