At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
