I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i believe in u and ur pee
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