I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
