I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
