dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Do vagina's smell?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
