would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Did I show you my penis last night?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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