I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
