You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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