Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
