I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It's official drugs can't kill me
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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