i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
