the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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