You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
