Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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