I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
