So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
