woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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