Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
