Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
