Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
