Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
