I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
