he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
