I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
