Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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