I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
