i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
