He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
