tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
