does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
