I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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