idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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