Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
