He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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