wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
