I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
