Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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