That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
