I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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