i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
