Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There's always time for handjobs
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
