sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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